A Brit’s Guide To The Sun

If you are of the fair variety – as many of Anglo-Saxon heritage happen to be – you are most likely highly sensitive to the sun, especially compared to your Mediterranean brethren.

A sunny day back in the homeland is an uncommon occasion, and often brings out the most radiant of white bodies, shining in all their translucent glory. Strutting about, regaling themselves – often shirtless – in the exceptional warm glow, the sun is to them what the rare sugary treat is to a diabetic. In fact, studies show that chances of traffic accidents rise dramatically in the summer days due to a higher ratio of reflective surfaces in the environment (www.reallyrealstudies.org).

For the light skinned, beach holidays are not only an attempt to flee the dismal weather back home, but also a chance to become slightly less transparent. However, this enthusiasm is often yoked to a carefree attitude towards the dangers of the death star rays that time and time again results in a corporal canvas of brilliant pink and red hews.

This extreme disregard towards nature’s forces is only paralleled by the intensity of the atmospheric shock these pale creatures are seldom equipped to deal with. And indeed, their eagerness may be excused in light of the unfamiliar warmth and general joie de vivre that accompanies a steady supply of vitamin D (otherwise denied).

However, aside from the obvious pain, discomfort and the ruby shade of embarrassment branded onto the skin for all to see, both short and long term health risks make this affliction particularly dangerous to this fragile fellowship.

Therefore, in order to avoid a dramatic increase in certain death, the team at Barcelona City FM suggests you follow this handy guide:

  1. Slather on that sun cream. Slap it on before, during, heck, even after you go out. In the sun. In the shade. In the water. Up a tree. Be like that one sporty brand: just do it.
  2. Do not try to cover your back on your own, for you will fail. Instead, have each other’s backs! Use it as a time to bond with friends and family, to really get to know them. Couples: consider it foreplay for pale people. Get right up in there. EVERY. TWO. HOURS.
  3. Stay hydrated. Yes, as a fellow student once pointed out, beer consists of 90% – 95% water. However, water is 100% water. If you are simultaneously basking and boozing, drink both. Protect yo’ skin, protect yo’ liver. Two organs, one stone. Kind of.
  4. Take a break. We know, you’ve not seen the sun in 84 years. In the time since the UK had a real summer, the Titanic sank, the tragedy became a blockbuster hit and Leonardo DiCaprio has grown up and won an Oscar. But you don’t want to develop a sun allergy (short term hazard to long term ruin your holiday) or worse, death. Find yourself some shade – the environment, not the attitude – and go stand in it. Sit in it. Lie in it. Have a siesta, it’s what they do in Spain.
  5. You know what you haven’t done for a while? Applied some sun cream. It should practically form a protective layer around your whole body, like greasy cling film. Be a human slug – a protected human slug.
  6. For heaven’s sake, don’t fall asleep in the sun. Should you do so, plan ahead by asking your friends and family to build a protective fort or sand coffin around your unconscious body, with whatever happens to be lying in the vicinity. Or make your own, with sunscreen.
  7. Don’t be fooled by overcast conditions, the sneaky buggers still penetrate the clouds. UVA and UVB rays are the cockroaches of light.

Happy Holiday-making!

Lots of love,

Your fellow lobsters


Isabella Eastwood

[email protected]

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